i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
