she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
