I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
