im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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