I look better un-naked...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
