woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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