He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
