Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
