what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
