He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize