So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
