what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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