At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize