Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
