he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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