wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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