Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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