I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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