you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize