Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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