i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
