Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
