I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
