I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
