...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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