I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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