I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
