non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
