You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
