let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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