Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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