I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
