kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
