can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
