He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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