I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
