I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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