OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
