just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
