paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize