I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
