someone get that fucking seahorse.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
