Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my liver is dry heaving
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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