Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
