brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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