he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
