I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
