He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
