My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
