it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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