I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
