if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
