His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
