You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize