How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
