I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
