My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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