hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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