Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
