he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
