two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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