It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
