girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
