is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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