Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
