i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
