the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
