If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
