I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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