he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
