I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
