Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
