She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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